Student Mei Ren Ai1 had always been a very unlucky person since young.
If one was to summarise his bad luck with the laws of science, it would be:
As long as it was something good, no matter how big the probability, it would never happen to him; as long as it was something bad, no matter how small the probability, the unlucky one was forever him2!
His bad luck was not as exaggerated as those in novels or movies where he would step on dog shit whenever he walked on the road, or the ceiling would collapse when he was asleep! Instead, unfortunate incidents that happened to him usually had a certain probability to happen to people who are with him as well, which meant that everyone had an equal chance of running out of luck. However, the odd thing was that every time when he was around, the one getting afflicted would be him! There were no exceptions! Thus, there was a word specially coined for him, called “Emperor of Getting Shot while Lying Down3”.
This was probably too complicated, so here’s an example!
During kindergarten, when the worker gave milk to the children, if unfortunately there was a bag of spoiled milk, then the one getting the spoiled milk would definitely be him! At first, his mother would argue with the kindergarten teacher because her child was vomiting and having diarrhea due to food poisoning. However, later, she was simply too embarrassed to go anymore because going to the kindergarten every month to make a ruckus really seemed like she was a stooge who was deliberately finding fault!
After entering elementary school, his bad luck remained the same. If the teacher accidentally spilled tea on a workbook while correcting it, then that workbook must be his! Because of this, he had to write everything all over again.
It wasn’t even his fault! If a bicycle came running over while he was walking on the road with a few friends, he would always be the one who got hit! If a basketball flew out of the basketball court while they were watching the game on the side of the court, there was no doubt that he would be the one getting hit by the ball! Therefore, a lot of people were willing to be with him—he was simply a necessity for the home, travel, as well as when visiting friends and relatives! After all, he was a natural amulet!
But, while an amulet would not get injured nor feel pain, he would!
Every time he changed schools, the first thing his mother took him to find was not the classroom but the infirmary! There was a map on the wall of his house which was marked with the locations and emergency numbers of hospitals nearby! He knew every doctor in the emergency department of almost every hospital in the city!
It truly was not easy for him to be able to live this long! “Touching the Heart of China” really should give him a special motivational award!
Likewise, nothing good could ever happen to him.
He never won a lottery, and he would never win a raffle either. Whenever he bought Wahaha4, even if 99 out of 100 bottles had “One more bottle”, he was still bound to get “Thank you for trying”!
This kind of life was really so tough!
He was once extremely desperate, and also cursed this shitty fate of his. However, he cheered up in the end. By turning his grief into motivation, he was admitted into the world-class university, XX University, with excellent grades!
Although he studied hard and got excellent grades, he still could not get rid of the fate of being possessed by the God of Misfortune!
There was this famous saying which was pretty accurate: Life was just like getting food from the cafeteria of X University. You never knew what you would eat in the next moment5.
Student Mei had an abundance of personal experience in this.
Even if there was only one fresh ginger disguised as chicken, pork, or meat skin in the catering tray6, it would always be scooped into his bowl.
There was a famous saying that was pretty accurate: Life was just like taking a shower in X University. Even if you went to the bathroom, there might not be a vacant spot for you to shower; even if there was one, the water might not come out from the shower head…
Student Mei had a deep understanding of this.
Because he was always the unlucky one…
There was yet another famous saying which was pretty accurate: Life was like selecting classes in X University. Not everyone could forgo drawing lots. There was always someone who drew a lot but couldn’t get what they wanted; some could get the classes that they wanted to learn, while others could not get any at all…
Student Mei was already too tired to complain about this.
His basketball class! His “Introduction to Contract Bridge” (card game) class! His movie appreciation class! He couldn’t even think about these popular classes!
He could only take unpopular subjects such as “Modern interpretation of Chinese Traditional Political Thought during Globalization”, “Mathematical Modeling and Programming Technology in Engineering”, and “Women’s Health Care and Geriatrics”7!
There was no fun in life at all!
On the contrary, his top bunk dorm mate, Student Mu Ye, was the kind of child who could get the classes they wanted without even having to draw lots!
In comparison with his tragic life, Student Mu Ye’s life was simply so smooth-sailing that it drew people’s hatred!
He hailed from a good family, was handsome, was excellent at playing basketball, and a popular figure of the student council…If that was all, it wouldn’t be so bad! But what was detestable was that he was also extraordinarily lucky! Every time he ate at the cafeteria, he would get to eat the sole lean meat available; there was a vacant spot every time he went to the bathroom, and the water volume was super large! Even when the bathroom was full of people! Every time he went to the supermarket, there would be a big sale; every time he went out, a taxi would coincidentally park in front of him… The most despicable thing was that he could often pick up money whenever he looked down! It made Student Mei green with envy!
However, Mu Ye had very good relations with people. He was always eager to help others, and did not attract others’ jealousy at all. Not only was he the male god in the dreams of many girls, but he was also the idol in the hearts of many boys! Among them, Student Mei was probably the one who benefited the most. Hence, Student Mei could not hate him at all. He could only silently lament that even though they lived in the same dorm, they lived different lives…
After getting along with Mu Ye for many days, Student Mei found to his pleasant surprise that not only was Mu Ye so lucky that his fortune was not affected by his (Mei), his (Mu Ye) good luck would also affect him (Mei)!
For example, if he asked Mu Ye to help him get food, he would absolutely not receive ginger; if he showered together with Mu Ye, he would absolutely not have to worry about not having a spot; if he went out with Mu Ye, the probability of getting hit by a car would become much smaller!
He would be a fool if he didn’t hug Mu Ye’s thigh tightly!
Therefore, for the four years of university, Student Mei was determined to carry out the policy of hugging Mu Ye’s thigh. He maintained a good relationship and was inseparable with Student Mu even when going to the bathroom and toilet! Thankfully, Mu Ye had a good temper. Not only did he (Mu Ye) not disdain him, but he also proactively let him (Mei) hug him!
Student Mei was moved to tears! He finally got to experience a normal person’s life! It was a truly wonderful life!
Finally, when it was time for them to graduate, he already did not dare try to envision what he would do if he was separated from Mu Ye!
During the last gathering in the dormitory, Student Mei drank in a miserable mood till he got extremely drunk, and even did some things while intoxicated8. Fortunately, Mu Ye was there to watch him. Otherwise, a tragedy in the human realm might have happened!
The next morning when Student Mei woke up, Mu Ye was already gone. The only thing left for him was a piece of paper. It was a flyer, with ten lines that Durex had for everyone written on it.9
1. The one who has a big chest gets the world.
2. To love, you need to know, know how to care, know how to be considerate, know it all and give everything for love. For example, taking out a Durex to protect the people you love.
3. You can be individualistic, but sometimes you have to restrain yourself, for example when your leader lectures you.
4. The most fastest footsteps are not to cross but to continue; the best wealth is not money, but health; the best wishes are not the future, but the present.
5. Life is short, do not leave yourself any regrets. Just laugh and cry when you want to, and love when it’s time to love. You don’t have to suppress yourself.
6. When your junior wants to go to war, please help him wear protection.
7. When you can’t find a girlfriend in school, you think it’s because you’re poor. Only after working you know that it actually is because you’re poor, and on top of that, ugly.
8. Making a good bunk bed is a traditional Chinese virtue, but it does not bring/give you a girlfriend.
9. Brothers are people who will think if you encounter the same difficulties when they encounter one.
10. Don’t talk about right and wrong in front of or behind others. There is no secret that can be kept forever nor people who can hold on to secrets.
What nonsense is this?! Student Mei was speechless—especially about the 7th one! He couldn’t get a girlfriend because he was with Mu Ye everyday, okay?! It was not because he was poor and ugly!
Although he found it odd, Student Mei still kept that piece of paper properly. From time to time, he would take it out and read. After all, Mu Ye had left this for him!
He never forgot about Mu Ye. However, Mu Ye never reached out to him. Sometimes he would think pessimistically that Mu Ye had already forgotten him!
Who said the bottom bunk was the top bunk’s lover in the previous life!
Until one day, his little niece just happened to be next to him when he took out that piece of paper to read and think of Mu Ye while he was at it.
“Eh?! Little Uncle, look!” His little niece exclaimed in amazement, “If you read the first word of each sentence together10! …What a coincidence!”
He was stunned.
It turned out that Mu Ye had expressed his feelings on the day he left!
But why did he have to make it so euphemistic?! What if he never figured it out!? He really was on his knees for him11!
Student Mei was both furious and pleased, as well as some subtle sadness. Trembling, he sent an instant message to Mu Ye. There were only two emotes:
[Love you] [Blergh (Tu)]
But he never received a reply.
Student Mei waited so anxiously that the corner of his lips had some blisters (cold sore12).
Could it be that he didn’t see it? Could it be that he already has a girlfriend?
With his own bad luck, this kind of cliche stuff was really likely to happen!
It was not until the next day that the figure of Mu Ye unexpectedly appeared before him.
Mu Ye was wearing a black trench coat. His eyes were red and his stubble beard was messy. He looked extremely haggard.
Student Mei was so excited and flustered that he accidentally fell down the stairs, pinning Mu Ye down to the ground!
Mu Ye stared deeply into his eyes with a pained expression, “Is my love that unbearable for you?”
Ehhhhh?! What was going on?!
Student Mei suddenly did not dare to tell him that ‘[Love you] [Blergh (Tu)]’ actually meant ‘I love you, too13’!
And then, Student Mei finally had someone who loved him ^_^! (Does anyone still remember his name?)14