It’s summer again, and there are more mosquitoes than ever. Below are some suggestions to protect yourself against mosquitoes.
Suggestion 1: Burn a pile of hay underneath your bed.
Suggestion 2: Tattoo geckos on your body.
Suggestion 3: Write, ‘Whoever bites me is a small dog.’ on the most noticeable spot of your headboard.
Suggestion 4: Catch a mosquito alive, then kill it by cruelly tearing it limb from limb. Record it, and don’t stop for 24 hours.
Suggestion 5: Get a bowl of fresh chicken blood, then write on the outer rim, ‘Already disinfected, please drink.’
Suggestion 6: Live in the fridge.
Suggestion 7: Hang a mosquito net and sleep naked inside, thus provoking the mosquito and making them die from worry.
Suggestion 8: Smear bug spray all over yourself; the mosquito will die of poison the moment it lands on you.
Suggestion 9: Get yourself blackout drunk so that you won’t feel the bite and so that the mosquito will get so drunk it dies.
Suggestion 10: Have a long chat with the mosquito, let it know how you feel, and set him on the vegetarian path.
Suggestion 11: Give them science lessons and let them know that sucking people’s blood is bad for the people. Everything would be much easier to talk about if they just drank rice water.