On How to Properly Instruct Old Chinese Doctors to Use Emojis chapter 7

Chapter 7

46.

I looked at Wang Dequan with great respect, as if I were looking at a god.

No, he wasn’t a god. He was only a person—flesh and blood, human emotions and desires—but using his abilities, he cured the world of its suffering for the health and happiness of more people.

I looked at him tenderly and only had one thought in my mind.

Such a good man was mine. Don’t be jealous that you can’t have him hahahaha.

47.

“But,” Wang Dequan suddenly said. “Seeing a little friend defend me regardless, I still feel very happy.”

The laughing in my heart came to an abrupt stop.

He leaned over and stretched his long arms, trapping me in the small and narrow space of the car seat.

I wasn’t kidding, chair-don1! He knew how to chair-don!

Wang Dequan’s familiar domineering president aura appeared once again. He pinched my chin and allowing no protest, he leaned over.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, what was happening? So soon? I wasn’t ready yet! I was asexual! Forget it! How many bases was this? Was my first time going to happen in an electric sedan? But wouldn’t this space be a bit small? Were we concealed enough? No, the important thing was whether we had lube…

My heart pounded. I nervously shut my eyes as my imagination ran wild, waiting.

I felt Wang Dequan’s close breaths and his soft lips slowly press closer.

He gently kissed my eyelid.

“It’s already twelve o’clock. It’s too late, hurry home,” he said.

48.

The next day, I heard that the video of my heroic fit of rage was shared with several groups in the company, and even the higher-ups had seen it.

“Were you reprimanded?” Wang Dequan asked over the phone.

“No, no. No one said anything. Someone sent a picture of dog food2.”

“Why did they send a picture of dog food?” He didn’t understand.

“Oh, probably because nobody cares about my crap. I guess everyone would rather share tips on raising pets,” I dispiritedly said as I slumped on the table.

“Then why are you still unhappy?” Wang Dequan asked.

I wasn’t unhappy.

I just kind of wanted to cry.

49.

Although Wang Dequan and I had established the status of a model couple in other people’s eyes, in reality our relationship hadn’t changed at all. On the contrary, with things getting busy at the end of the year, we saw each other even less.

And when we saw each other, our affections grew but we were constrained by etiquette. Except for the time he held me back when I was fighting, he had never even held my waist! We only held hands!

There was a time I worked overtime two days in a row then went on a date with him. After we finished eating, I exhaustedly sat still in the car and rubbed my neck until it cracked. Wang Dequan, however, was in a good mood and drove me directly home as if he had set something straight. Once inside, he took off his jacket and placed me on the bed. “Take off your sweater.”

Eh? What? Was it today? But I was so tired… Forget it. I would go all out for him, bring it on.

I quickly took my sweater off, leaving only my shirt, and I undid two buttons.

Wang Dequan turned me around and smoothed down my collar.

Eh? What, weren’t we undressing? Goodness, was doing this the first time too…

Without listening to any protests, he moved close and said in a low voice—

“Last time didn’t you say your neck is bad? I wanted to take the opportunity today to massage it.”

“Ow!”

“Just this hurts? It’s a lack of exercise.”

“Be gentler, be gentler will you…”

“This much?”

“No—”

At least we had already progressed to the neck. Was the part below the neck that could not be described still far away? With tears in my eyes, I hugged my pillow and comforted myself with this.

50.

The next time he came to pick me up, it was under rather unpleasant circumstances.

That day I worked overtime as usual and burning with anxiety, I ran outside. We had agreed to go out for hotpot together that night, and at this point we only had one opportunity to see each other each week.

As a result, once I got downstairs, someone was waiting for me.

My ex-boyfriend, who was that junior, was covered in the scent of alcohol, and his eyes were bright red. He drunkenly pounced on me from his hiding place and pulled me to prevent me from leaving. He cried with tears streaming down his face as he poured his heart out. Something about how he regretted breaking up with me, and although he was disillusioned with human society, he still thought I was good. Those who would only talk about carnal desires were simply unreliable and he would rather be platonic with me, and so on.

No, he still knew to find cover and still had such eloquence. How drunk was he? Did he still need to go back and refill another two bottles?

At this time, Wang Dequan’s small electric sedan suddenly appeared. He got out of the car and asked what was going on.

I said, “Oh, this is my ex-boyfriend.”

I looked at Wang Dequan’s expression, and in the end I still held onto a part of my past affection, so I absolved him by saying, “He’s just very drunk. Don’t mind him. Let’s leave first.”

To no avail, my junior didn’t appreciate the kindness. “You’re not allowed to leave!”

He looked at Wang Dequan’s old-man car then looked his figure up and down before sneering. “So this is the new one you found? You also like those small arms and small legs?”

Wang Dequan was about the same height as him but wasn’t as mighty. Since university, he started going to the gym and trained until he had an inverted triangle body shape, and when he wore a t-shirt, his arms could fill up the sleeve holes. It was something he had always been proud of.

But brother, I’ll then have to trouble you to let me off because the only sport I do is going with the old ladies back home to play badminton at the public square.

My junior, relying on his stature, used the alcohol as an excuse to act crazy and pestered me incessantly. Wang Dequan held me back a bit and frowned as he asked, “You’re drunk, right?”

My junior lisped as his northeastern dialect emerged, “What do you want?”

51.

Five seconds later, everyone at the company entrance who hadn’t left yet heard a howl of misery.

Don’t think that someone had gotten injured, that’s not the case.

Wang Dequan pulled back my junior’s shoulders and kneaded down along his shoulder blades to dispel the effects of the alcohol for him.

52.

I forgot to tell you all that last time when I went to Wang Dequan’s house, I saw a real glass cup with a needle pierced into the side of it.

I asked what kind of postmodern art installation it was. He said he had gotten the highest needle rotating record when he practiced acupuncture techniques in school, so he kept it as a souvenir.

Wang Dequan modestly said finger strength was only one aspect, and you still mainly had to rely on technique.

Technique.

53.

Sitting in the car, he pressed his finger onto my back and explained to me, “This is the lung acupuncture point and below is the liver acupoint, spleen acupoint, stomach acupoint… If you massage it, you can disperse the alcohol.”

I rubbed my neck, not daring to say one word.

54.

It’s better to fall in love sincerely. What did I expect?

55.

When the Chinese New Year holiday was near, my parents stammered as they reminded me if I wanted to invite my boyfriend over. I then realized—was it time to meet the parents?

It did seem that this was only to be expected. The ideologies of the older generation were there. Even if it was two men, we also had to go through a wedding ceremony and marriage process in order to officially start a lifetime together.

Wang Dequan had no objections and even said his parents had the same ideas.

At that time, we were at a large supermarket to buy New Year’s items for each of our families, and it was considered our last date before the New Year. The supermarket was packed with people, and I was barely able to move the cart. I was very nervous and kept chattering away to cover up the anxiety in my heart. Wang Dequan silently followed me, occasionally throwing one or two things into the cart

“Your parents are both intellectuals so I can’t bring anything too tacky. Do they have anything they particularly like? Oh, my parents are very casual, so don’t bring anything expensive. Just bring some fruit desserts…”

The overhead broadcast had been circulating to remind, “Customers, it is very crowded during the New Year period, so please be careful and watch out. Keep an eye on your babies3, and take care of your valuable items…”

I talked and talked, then suddenly discovered that Wang Dequan was no longer behind me. As I was looking around, a hand suddenly grabbed me.

I was startled, then let out a sigh of relief. “There’s so many people, and here I thought you had wandered off.”

Wang Dequan expressionlessly said, “Don’t worry, I will definitely keep an eye on you.”

56.

It took me five minutes to realize what that meant.

… It seemed like someone here was possessed by something. Did 1104 handle this kind of thing?( ′*///_ゝ///*`)

57.

As soon as the New Year passed, our relatives had left, the streets were still filled with bright red firecracker skins, and the festive atmosphere had not yet dispersed. Wang Dequan officially paid a visit.

My parents had tidied up the house until it looked brand new well in advance. Fruit and sunflower seed plates and sweets plates were spread over the table. They enthusiastically welcomed him into the living room. “Ah Xiao Wang, come in. What did you bring? Sit, sit.”

I also sat to the side and quietly watched him. Although it had only been about a week since we’d seen each other, he wasn’t too different from usual, but with the end of the year wedged in between, it felt particularly long.

Wang Dequan suddenly raised his head and met my eyes. We both froze, then smiled as if our hearts were beating in unison.

At that moment, I felt like this was all I wanted in life, and I wanted to preserve this happiness for a thousand years.

58.

But with such a good atmosphere, how did the old man and old lady at home not understand?

Did they have to consult him about yellow teeth, bad breath, and constipation now of all times?!

Enough is enough! Even if he was a doctor, who would still want to see patients during the New Year?!

“… Mom, mom, enough, hey, mom.”

“Hey, don’t disturb me. Can’t you see we’re talking about proper business?” My mom shook off my hand and suddenly remembered, “Oh, we don’t have enough food at home. Go out and buy some.”

When I returned, I saw my dad sitting on the sofa and next to him was my mom wearing presbyopic glasses, with a pen in one hand and a book in the other. Wang Dequan sat across from them with a dumbfounded expression as he received a continuous firing of bombs.

“But it’s not! Let me tell you Xiao Wang, at night your uncle’s snoring is very loud, and he even drools! His pillowcase is all yellow and grimy, and it can’t even be washed clean! And his breath is very strong! Why do you think this is?”

“This must be…”

“Oh, that’s right. What about hair loss? Look at his bald spot. These past few years it’s been getting sparser and sparser. You can almost count the roots.”

“That is…”

“If you say it like that, I can feel a bit relieved.” Finally my mom heaved a sigh of worry. “Alas, Xiao Wang, you don’t know this, but I’m particularly worried your uncle will pass down this problem. I don’t even know if the youngster will be like this when he gets older. Just in case…”

“You think it’s only my problems that will be passed down,” my dad unhappily filled in. “Why didn’t you say earlier that you had high blood pressure? I heard that the genetic characteristics of the three highs5 are only obvious, and that brat doesn’t like exercising. Now that he’s young, it doesn’t show, but wait until he’s older. You just wait and see. Who would want to live with him? Whoever does will have to serve him.”

“…”

I threw down the groceries and silently covered my face.

How did it come to this?

Father! Mother! Why must you discuss these problems right now?! What day is there not Yang Sheng Tang6 on TV?! There are even reruns! If not, I’ll take you to the hospital! This concerns my love life! Please, you have to pretend to be normal, okay?!

59.

A meeting that threw me into the ditch alive.

No matter how Wang Dequan vowed he would never hate me, it didn’t erase the shadow in my mind.

60.

By the time it was my turn to visit his family, I would feel even more inferior.

From inside to out, there were two large words written on them: scholarly family.

At first glance upon entering, there was a complete set of mahogany furniture, and it was elegantly decorated. There was a fish tank, tea sets, curio shelves, and on the shelves were thread-bound books. On the desk were writing brushes, blotting paper, and ink-slabs. Under the paperweights there were even drying scrolls of calligraphy.

One of Wang Dequan’s parents was a TCM doctor and the other was a university professor. Mr. Wang’s eyes shone, and he had a majestic aura. Auntie Chu was well-educated, gentle, and kind. At a glance, they were both refined intellectuals. In front of them, I didn’t know where to put my hands.

The little confidence remaining in my heart leaked out. I was merely a commoner with a humble family background. How could they like me?

Mr. Wang had the demeanor of a transcendent being. His expression was solemn, and he indifferently greeted me, not even wanting to talk with me further. After sitting next to me for a while, he simply went back to his desk to practice his calligraphy. I panicked a bit, not knowing what I had done for him to dislike me.

However, Auntie Chu was very amiable, and she hurriedly explained, “Don’t mind him. He’s just like that and doesn’t like to talk. Xiao Du, let’s just talk about us.”

While she went to the kitchen to prepare the meal, Wang Dequan also reassured me, “Don’t worry. You’ll find out later on that my dad is actually very easy to get along with. He likes you.”

Where did he see that he liked me?

He whispered, “Did you not notice? He’s been sneaking glances at you.”

I instinctively looked over at the desk in the corner of the living room. Mr. Wang quickly returned his gaze to the Xuan paper in front of him and coughed.

… It was kind of cute.

Mr. Wang, a famous old Chinese doctor, even had such a fashionable attribute as tsundere?


Translator’s Notes

  1. Refers to kabedon (like when you push someone against a wall) but with a chair.
  2. Slang that means PDA (public displays of affection).
  3. Uses the same term for “baby” (宝宝) as Dequan’s nickname for him.
  4. Emergency call number in China.
  5. Refers to high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and hyperlipidemia.
  6. A Chinese TV show about health and wellness.


On How to Properly Instruct Old Chinese Doctors to Use Emojis

On How to Properly Instruct Old Chinese Doctors to Use Emojis

论如何正确指导老中医使用表情包
Score 9.2
Status: Completed Type: Author: Released: 2017 Native Language: Chinese
My mom assured me that my next blind date would be absolutely exceptional. We talked on WeChat, then he sent me an emoji: “To our friendship, cheers.”

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