On How to Properly Instruct Old Chinese Doctors to Use Emojis chapter 10

Chapter 10

77.

After we finished eating, we hadn’t even cleared the dishes yet before Auntie Chu kicked us out and told Wang Dequan that he was prohibited from coming home every week so he could learn more about how other young people spend their weekend.

My mom heard about it the next day and was inspired to follow suit, driving the both of us out of the house as she complained about how she still had to buy food and serve us during the weekend and to go spend time wherever we wanted.

Wang Dequan looked at me in bewilderment, and I innocently stared back at him.

“So how should young people spend the weekend?” He asked.

“They sleep together and watch dramas. Choose one,” I said.

78.

One’s lover couldn’t compare to a boring detective show. I could see through him.

79.

On the internet, I found many interesting things to do in the city, and Auntie Chu would send us some performance tickets from time to time.

When we would attend them together, I was originally worried there would be a generation gap between us, but in the end, it was more of a cultural gap than a generation gap.

I was a literature editor-in-chief, but next to him, I always felt like I was an illiterate.

As it turned out, he could play the piano, write, point to those indecipherable oracle bone inscriptions and explain them to me one by one, and he could even make medicine name poems.

Who on earth gave me the nerve to think he was boring?

Wang Dequan attempted to console me, “It’s only because I joined the poetry club at my school, and I still remember some things. I was just joking around…”

“Enough, you don’t have to say it. I know I’m just an illiterate that’s not good enough for you.” I curled up on his bed and pulled the covers over my head, feeling empty and sorry for myself.

Hmm? Did you say bed?

Right, from that day on I never left and even moved my stuff over. Whoever wanted to use the second bedroom could do so hahaha.

80.

We passed by spring together where the grass was tall and the birds flew through the air.

I shared a bed with Wang Dequan every day, and we were very close. Even though I now had to wake up at six o’clock, it didn’t seem to be anything particularly difficult.

It was also nice for us to lay together and cuddle even if we didn’t make love.

But men always have times where their blood surges, and I felt like Wang Dequan would gradually be unable to suppress it as well.

Our parents had already sat down together to discuss handling things in the fall. Although we couldn’t get a marriage license, we didn’t want to have a large celebration and only invited some close friends and relatives.

Maybe others will say we’re conservative, but I think a ceremony is always meaningful no matter how simple it is. The formal declaration of establishing a lifelong relationship with each other is a commitment in itself.

81.

Over International Workers’ Day, one of my schoolmates from university got married, and many people from our class came over from various regions. After attending the wedding ceremony, they conveniently held a class reunion.

Wang Dequan was busy that day so he couldn’t accompany me. I went ahead alone and unexpectedly saw my ex.

He was a grade lower but because we were dating at that time, many people in our class were very familiar with him and were on close terms, so it wasn’t surprising that he was here.

Recalling what had happened last time, I still felt a bit apprehensive.

But I couldn’t let my good mood from getting to see my old classmates be ruined by him. Since he looked indifferent, I also pretended I hadn’t seen him.

During dinner, someone still brought up our relationship back then, and I solemnly replied that I already had a boyfriend, so we moved on. My junior glanced at me and also smiled, saying it was all in the past.

By the end of the night, the table was full of people who had drunk too much, staggering from side to side, and the floor was covered in beer bottles. As soon as I stood up, the world started spinning, so I sat back down and fished my phone out of my pocket, writing a message to Wang Dequan: “I’m at xx Restaurant in room 212. Already drunk. Come pick me up.” I precisely hit send then slumped over the table and passed out.

In my stupor, someone moved me, and I kept feeling like something wasn’t right. I was randomly pushed two times, but I was unconscious and didn’t know what exactly had happened.

By the time I opened my eyes again, it was already bright out.

82.

It took me a long time before I recognized with difficulty that this was my bedroom, but Wang Dequan wasn’t lying beside me.

My head felt like it was filled with lead, and the sound of clashing cups and plates came from the kitchen. I stumbled my way over and saw someone’s back bustling about, startling me. I started to speak, but I had lost my voice and couldn’t even make a sound.

Auntie Chu turned around. “Xiao Du, you’re awake? Go wait outside first. I’ll make you something to sober you up.”

I went to the bathroom and washed off the heavy smell of alcohol then downed a bowl of strange-tasting sobriety soup, and only then did I seem to come back to life.

“Auntie Chu, why are you here? Where’s Wang Ge?”

“He’s…” She had just started to speak when there was the sound of keys opening the door outside, and Wang Dequan and his dad walked in.

Mr. Wang still seemed to be in an exhilarated state. “What’s the big deal?! Did you see how stupid he looked! Absolutely no balls! Let me say, I should have beat that son of a… cough.”

He glanced at Auntie Chu’s face and undeterred, finished, “Bitch.”

Wang Dequan didn’t say a word as he sat down across from me. He still seemed to be in a good mood, just a bit tired.

Auntie Chu asked, “How was it? Any injuries?”

Mr. Wang pridefully said, “How is that possible? It’s not like you don’t know what he did!”

Auntie Chu pinched him. “I was asking if he got hurt anywhere!”

Wang Dequan shook his head. “Nothing big, just a few bruises, and he paid a 1000 dollar private settlement. It’s alright, mom and dad. You ran over in the middle of the night, so hurry back and rest. I’ll take you.”

“There’s no need. The roads are jammed right now, so I’ll take the subway back with your mom. You two stay at home.”

Leaving a dumbfounded me, Wang Dequan stood up and sent his parents to the subway station.

83.

I took advantage of this time to desperately bombard the class’s group chat, asking what happened yesterday. After waiting for a long time, there was finally someone who knew the situation and sent me a few messages in reply.

Yesterday, everyone was drunk on the ground, and the few remaining conscious and conscientious ones first sent away the locals whose family could be contacted, and for those they couldn’t do anything about, they stuffed them into taxis and sent them back to a hotel. My junior said he knew where my house was, so he took me away and no one became suspicious enough to stop him. After half an hour had passed, a handsome man found us, claiming to be my family and insisting on taking me (“unreasonably stubborn” and “very malicious” were their original words).

I threw my phone and sat paralyzed like Ge You on the sofa1. The sun seemed to lose its light.

This was big.

There was nothing left to wonder about. There was an anti-theft location feature enabled on my phone, and the binding number was Wang Dequan’s. No matter where I went, he would be able to find me. So he had searched for me all the way over there, and maybe even caught us in bed. Otherwise, who else would he have fought with?

I thought back with horror. When I had just been showering, I didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong, so there must have been no established fact of cheating.

But let alone whether Wang Dequan would be angry, would my future parents-in-law… still be my father-in-law and mother-in-law? Anything was fine, but what would they think of me?

Ah, there are many people in this world who seek death, why must I have to count as one of them?

84.

When Wang Dequan returned home once again, I hurriedly surrounded him and took the initiative to sincerely admit my mistake.

He changed his clothes as he indifferently said, “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

This tone didn’t sound like it was okay at all!

“No, no, no. It’s my fault. It’s just my crappy alcohol tolerance. I promise I’ll never drink again.”

“Okay.” Wang Dequan rubbed the back of my head. “Let’s stop talking about this. Come inside with me to rest for a bit.”

85.

I unreservedly agreed and went into the bedroom, rushing to go make the bed.

Wang Dequan followed me and slowly walked into the room.

There was a click.

“There’s only the two of us. Why are you locking the door?” I asked in bewilderment.

No, why did I have to ask?

And who did he learn to say the following “to fuck you” from!

86.

Without warning, Wang Dequan threw me onto the bed and pinned me down, not allowing me to resist.

We looked into each other’s eyes, and my heart pounded like a drum.

He came up to my ear and said in a low voice, “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

“Eh?”

“I’m going to make you mine today.”

“Huh?”

“Even if you scream until you lose your voice… no one will come save you.”

“Oh.”

“If you’re obedient… I can be gentler… a little…”

“…”

He turned his face away as his ears suspiciously turned red.

87.

That’s enough, don’t force yourself if you can’t say it, okay?

What strange things were you watching, Doctor Wang!

Did you know that I’ve been holding back for the sake of your self-esteem and I was already getting soft?

88.

I couldn’t do it anymore.

I was finally unable to hold back and pushed him away, then laid under the covers as my entire body shook with laughter.

Wang Dequan became discouraged in an instant and even felt a bit indignant. “Forget it. We won’t do it.”

“No, no, no. We’re doing it. Why wouldn’t we?” I hastily went to hug him, then undressed and pulled open the bedside drawer. “Look, if we still don’t use these condoms they’re going to expire.”

He looked at me suspiciously. “When did you—”

I held up my hand. “The AIDS Awareness Committee downstairs was passing them out!”

He stretched his head over and inspected, saying with even more suspicion, “Were they also giving out lube?”

89.

At a time like this, what use would arguing be? In an instant, I gave a sudden push and pinned down Wang Dequan, haphazardly licking his Adam’s apple.

He froze for a moment, no longer pretending to be a domineering president, then held me as he passionately and frantically responded.

When things had come to a climax, I couldn’t think of any intimate words as only our instincts entangled. I wished I could melt him into my flesh and blood as our organs and meridians intertwined. From this point, I couldn’t distinguish him from me.

Seeing the armed and ready link between us, he once again lost confidence and continuously asked, “Does it hurt?”

It hurt, but the arrow was already on the string, so how could I get cold feet now? With a dying breath, I said, “It doesn’t hurt…”

“Are you sure?”

“If I say it doesn’t hurt then it doesn’t hurt… hiss…”

“If it doesn’t hurt, why are you hissing?”

“What do you care, I’m happy!”

“Otherwise, maybe…”

“You dare?”

“No, I just think…”

I wanted to collapse.

“Wang Dequan, are you still a man?! Can you do it or not?! Stop dawdling! If it wasn’t okay then you should have said so earlier!

90.

My last word of advice:

No matter how good-tempered someone is, you can’t provoke them with “can you do it or not” as you please.

There is no reason. All lessons are learned in blood.

91.

Wang Dequan sat at the table with a pile of invitations in front of him. With a grave expression, he marked the calendar.

“June 1st is fine… It’s a Saturday and it says it’s an appropriate day to marry. Our parents should think it’s fine.”

“Why do we have to get married on Children’s Day?!”

“Then July 1st… Or August 1st…”

“Army Day and Founding Day aren’t okay either!”

“How about September tenth?”

“Yes, Teacher’s Day has even less to do with us!” As soon as I got excited, I had to hold my sprained back and painfully laid back down. “Didn’t we already agree that during National Day we would buy wine?”

He raised his head and glanced at my stomach, clearly expressing his worry.

Shocked, I said, “Enough, Wang Dequan! I’m not going to get pregnant! It’s just sex, why are you acting like we’re marrying after getting pregnant! What’s the difference if it’s a few months earlier or a few months later?”

“Because I’m in a hurry.” He put down his pen and earnestly looked at me. “I want to be responsible for you.”

I then willingly shut my mouth, and nestled in the recliner, acting like old man.


Translator’s Notes

  1. Refers to this meme with Chinese actor Ge You


On How to Properly Instruct Old Chinese Doctors to Use Emojis

On How to Properly Instruct Old Chinese Doctors to Use Emojis

论如何正确指导老中医使用表情包
Score 9.2
Status: Completed Type: Author: Released: 2017 Native Language: Chinese
My mom assured me that my next blind date would be absolutely exceptional. We talked on WeChat, then he sent me an emoji: “To our friendship, cheers.”

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