When I saw him for the first time, I fell in love with him.
A handsome face, holy smile, gentle way of speaking, all of it impressing me, making me intoxicated for him.
How dearly I wish he would walk down from the altar, take off his black robe, and hug me! Possess me! Enter my body!
Every day, I would go to church to pray, pious? Definitely! I am pious for him! Pretending to be pure, approaching him as an ignorant girl, lowering his defenses, secretly alluring him, trying to tear off his sacred outer shell, and pulling out his desire as a man!
Why? He always remained indifferent……
Am I not charming enough? Am I not alluring enough? Or is it that, he really dedicated everything to God, completely heartless!?
Stop lifting your head to look at that lifeless God! Look at me! Caress me!
But…… no matter how much I shouted in my heart, he wouldn’t notice.
If he was to know, I am not the pure girl he acknowledges, perhaps he would be disappointed……
Maybe he would look at me with disdain, reject me from then on, not allowing me to continue approaching him.
Is this perhaps a punishment from God? Because I wishfully thought to lure in God’s loyal servant……
Not only did he draw a line between us, I walk one step forward, he walks one step backward, always treating me so gently, but never approaching me!
Even if it’s only one time, how dearly I wish to be joined with him.