Lu Xu, the boy in my youth, happy marriage.
Internet searches for Chen Nan rose after she finished being interviewed by the program. The friends around her knew that she had been secretly in love with L for many years, but they had never spoken his name. Together, they all called him L or Xiao *. In any case, Chen Nan had never mentioned his real name.
Truthfully, she hid it so well that her best friend didn’t know about it for years.
“Chen Nan, you really hid it so well. I’ve been your best friend for more than 20 years and I didn’t know about it.” In the face of her friend’s fuming rage, she smiled apologetically. “It’s been so many years, I don’t even know where to start. Besides, I really don’t want to disturb him.”
“I was also surprised that the inspiration in the story was dug up.”
She was a little afraid and worried that this would bother Lu Xu. Chen Nan was timid, and she didn’t want her secret love to be troubled with what had happened during their youth.
She didn’t know when she started realizing that the secret love in her novel might never happen to her. What was probably a touching plot in the eyes of friends and readers was probably an ignorant inconvenience in the eyes of the other person.
She didn’t want to be the one who used a secret love to tie up the other person. Chen Nan voluntarily chose her wishful thinking, and that’s why she never complained about it.
She slowly received a lot of private letters about secret love. Many readers will ask her whether a secret love like that was worth it. Maybe she did everything she could, but was it really worth it if it was the cloud that was blown away by the wind1in the eyes of the other person?
Chen Nan thought, It was worth it. In those days, she had a huge goal that enabled her to move forward. When she was taking the college entrance examination, she hoped to keep up with him and go to a better school.
She chased him for many years, and didn’t know how many times she had fallen. At this moment, she could not even tell if it was a secret love or a result of her years of persistence.
“Actually, I can’t tell whether what I liked was the boy from our youth or regretted my secret love that happened at the age of 18. However, I always want to write about him.”
“I often forget things because I have a bad memory. The image of Lu Xu in my mind is already so blurry thay I can’t recognize him. I haven’t heard his voice in a long time either. When I was 18, I always thought I had plenty of time to wait for him, but now I’m 25 and I don’t have that much time.”
“As everyone said, maybe I didn’t exist in his youth, maybe he didn’t know my name. But as long as I remember him, this secret love was not in vain.”
“That’s why I wrote a lot of novels using him as inspiration.”
“I’m afraid I’ll forget him. I want to remember him. His name is engraved in my youth.”
Chen Nan typed up a long post on Weibo. For the past few days, she was always dreaming about Lu Xu—the 18 years old young man facing the light, but his image was already blurry.
“Lu Xu, maybe I really want to say goodbye to you.” She woke up every night with tears in her eyes.
The regret at 18 years old, the secret love that never happened.
“Lu Xu, I still cry when I dream of you.”
A year later, Chen Nan received a screenshot of Lu Xu from their mutual friend.
L: I was cleaning up my house when I suddenly found a letter in my high school chemistry textbook. I don’t know which friend sent it to me, but I will say thank you here.
Her hands trembled. A part of her did not dare to believe that she opened the screenshot. In his slender white hands, he held the letter she wrote to him when she was 18 years old. It was received eight years too late.
It was the first time she had heard about Lu Xu in eight years.
This mutual friend sent a message: “Xiao Nan, is Lu Xu the person you had a crush on before?”
Chen Nan stared at the screenshot with teary eyes and a tingling nose. She quickly wiped the tears from her face and replied, “Are you kidding me? I don’t know Lu Xu. How could I have a crush on him?”
Friend: “Oh, that’s good. I have to say though, why is he so similar to who you talked about?”
Chen Nan did not keep replying. She looked at the screenshot again. She did not expect to burst into tears again after so many years and cry for that young man.
If someone asks about my sorrow, I do not dare to mention your name.
Two years later, Chen Nan was told that Lu Xu was going to get married.
She had already heard about it on Weibo a long time ago. She sent a message extremely late in the night: Lu Xu, the boy in my youth, happy marriage.
At that time, no one continued to look into who the inspiration behind Lu Xu was, and the name Lu Xu had long been forgotten by everyone.
Lu Xu would never know that there was a girl who loved him for her entire youth.
A girl who knew his preferences and past, and knew it was easy for him to catch cold in the winter because she always saw that he was sick then.
A girl who knew when he would encounter cloudy weather during the summer—it was raining heavily when he was playing on the basketball court. She had been in the same rain as him, and had seen him hurt when he sprained his ankle. She sent medicine by slipping it into his desk. She had always been a coward.
And… knew how wonderful the girl he liked was.
She still remembered what she had written in the letter. She had never forgotten it. She lied to others, but she did not lie to herself.
Lu Xu, I hope you don’t catch a cold in winter, don’t get hurt in a million years when you play basketball, and remember to bring an umbrella on rainy days…
The only thing Chen Nan didn’t write was to wish him happiness with the girl who he fell in love with.
Now it seemed like there was no need to write that.
Many years later, there would be readers who would inadvertently click on Chen Nan’s Weibo and find the following message on her Weibo profile: Lu Xu, I don’t want to like you anymore.
That message left on her Weibo had not been changed for a decade.
Chen Nan’s last Weibo update was a tree with the campus in the background. The tree was covered with strings of different wish cards.
Go to a good university and be with him.
Stay with him after the college entrance examination!
I hope I am successful in my confession!
For physics to love me again… Wait.
The most distinctive photo she had taken was of a wish card that was white and old.
With the wind blowing gently and the warm sun shining on it, there was a sentence written clearly: Lu Xu, the boy in my youth, I wish you all the best. —Chen Nan.
Finally, she had enough courage to leave her name.
The author has something to say:
If someone asks about my sorrow, I do not dare to mention your name.
The full text will be changed from a short story to a long one. There will be more details and additions to the plot. For more, see Weibo. The short story was informal and written casually. I never thought it would be popular. Thank you for your advice if there are problems and flaws.
L was not only in Chen Nan’s youth, but also in mine.
I don’t want to forget him, I want to remember him—and remember how I was a coward for five years.
I have no regrets. Lu Xu, the boy in my youth, I wish you all the best.
The boy in my youth, I wish you to not be sick anymore in winter, to remember to watch the weather forecast when playing basketball in summer, to not sprain your ankle, to play well, to not get hurt, and to not get sick.
Fo Lu Xu’s perspective, it’s on Weibo: 阿玖去看海i
The full text only has the first chapter, the extra is an after special. You can read it or not. Only the first chapter is based on the true story.
May you all be courageous.
- 过往云烟 (guòwǎngyúnyān) – means nothing matters
- Translation of this was from here.