Translated by Lime
! Warning ! There are mentions of domestic abuse, blood and gore, etc. This has the ‘tragedy’ tag, so read with caution.
The moment I found Qiu Li, he had already stopped breathing. His swollen body laid limply on the riverbank, garbage sticking to his face.
He was dead.
Ever since I was little, I would curse him to go die. Now, he had finally died. I couldn’t be blamed; he could only blame himself for being born a villain.
The first memory I could recall was of Qiu Li holding a red bowl. He ladled over a spoonful of rice congee, spilling it onto me. Whatever happened before and after was unclear, the only thing I remembered was his fiendish face while he committed an evil deed.
When I was a bit older, I would rather walk a distance to my classmate’s house than play with my neighbor next door, Qiu Li.
He would always snatch away my Barbie dolls, my rubber ducky toys, and my kite to destroy them. I cried until my face was full of tears, mucus dripping out of my nose. Watching me cry like the world was going to end, he smiled cheerfully.
“Don’t play with your toys, play with me,” he would say.
No way, who wants to play with him!
My parents told me not to play with him, my neighbors told me not to play with him, and my friends told me not to play with him. They said that Qiu Li’s father was part of a gang and that he fought and killed all day long. His mother wasn’t a good person either. Everyday, she would hit him until his face was bruised and bloody.
At that time, I was still young and did not understand what gangs were. Despite that, I still thought Qiu Li was the meanest person ever.
Every time I gnawed on a chicken drumstick, he would crawl from his balcony onto ours to snatch my drumstick away and run.
As he ran, he ate. I would madly chase behind him, but when I finally caught up, he had finished it already. Swiftly turning around, he would use the leftover bone to knock on my head. It hurt so much that I knelt down right then and there.
With red eyes and tears running down my face, my younger self carved “Down With Qiu Li” onto my wall with a knife.
When I started primary school, shrimp chips were becoming popular. The latest trend for us schoolgirls was styling our hair into braided pigtails and adorning them with shiny barrette clips.
I didn’t have money to buy barrettes, so I could only jealously watch as my classmates loudly crunched on shrimp chips.
I don’t know how Qiu Li found out about my secret jealousy, but he dragged me over to a small shop after school. When the shopkeeper was distracted, he took the opportunity to stuff around ten bags of shrimp chips and a box of barrettes into my bag.
We were noticed before we even exited the shop. The shopkeeper screeched, “catch those thieves,” as she ran towards us.
Qiu Li grabbed my arm and ran, faster than when he had stolen my chicken drumstick. I stared at his round head and at his slender but muscular physique. Inside my bag, my textbooks crushed the shrimp chips, resulting in crunching noises. Everything all at once was too much for me to handle; the only thought in my mind was — “run”!
I followed him as we ran.
We ran and ran. We ran so much that my innards were scrunched up, so much so that it was difficult for me to breathe.
If we didn’t stop though, it felt as if I could have run forever, to the ends of the Earth.
At last, we stopped at a road behind an unfamiliar neighborhood and gobbled up all the shrimp chips. They didn’t taste as delicious as my classmates had claimed. For some reason, it seemed like I was trying to destroy the evidence. As I ate, my throat was dry, and trying to swallow was almost unbearable. I never wore the barrettes. I also never stepped foot in that store again.
For many years after, I was anxious whenever the word “thief” was mentioned. However, Qiu Li seemed totally unaffected by the situation. A long time later, he even fondly recalled this incident and laughed it off.
He is a natural-born villain without any feelings of guilt.
A natural-born villain and a naturally intelligent person are around the same: they both have their own set of talents. Qiu Li was extremely clever as a child, but he was talented in all the wrong things. 
He was quick to catch on to fighting. It was always him who beat up others because they were too scared to fight him. He was also quick to learn profane language and swearing. I suspect that he came out of the womb knowing how to swear. No matter what phrase was used, after hearing it a few times, he was able to fluently use it himself. Also, his appearance could be rated as a prime example for all villains. His face looked both evil and malevolent, but there were no girls who didn’t fall for him.
The adults constantly repeated, don’t play with Qiu Li, you will be led astray by him.
They turned out to be right. I feel like my luck was led astray by him.
In junior high, I had my first love: the class monitor. He was both diligent and praiseworthy, and was the subject of admiration for many other girls.
Along with my first love came the start of my menstrual cycle. At the time, the school did not really teach us about puberty, so when changes started to occur to my body, I was ashamed and terrified. Even with menstrual cramps, I didn’t dare to show a hint of pain and would silently suffer.
I have no clue how Qiu Li found out, but he brought over the class monitor.
“She has menstrual cramps and it’s difficult for her to sit through class. Can you help us ask the teacher for a leave of absence? I will bring her home.”
I saw the class monitor furrow his handsome brows, and just like that, my first love disappeared instantly.
“Who wants you to meddle in my business.” I really wanted to say these words to Qiu Li, but I was scared he would hit me.
Turns out, he said these exact words to me later.
When I was in high school, Qiu Li had dropped out and went to cause trouble in society earlier. I don’t know the kind of life he led, but it was probably the fighting and killing that suited him the most.
The night before the college entrance examinations, the night when I needed the most sleep, I just could not sleep. Most people who couldn’t sleep would think of trivial things, such as, why did the neighbor, Qiu Li, not come home for an entire month? 
Coincidentally, I saw him the next morning. He was covered in blood and had fallen next to the dumpster, muttering, “Mommy”.
“Eh, that’s a good son,” I replied.
This was the first time anyone had called me “mom”, and I couldn’t just leave him there, so I sent him to the hospital out of the kindness of my heart. This was how I missed the college entrance exams.
After he woke up healthily, he didn’t bother to thank his life-saving benefactor, rather, he scrunched his face up and said, “Who wants you to meddle in my business.”
Asking a villain to be grateful was more difficult than asking a female pig to lay eggs. I should have expected this.
Not long after, my father struck gold, making an easy fortune. I guess this was the repayment for my good deed from the gods. My family was able to move from the dirty and cluttered street, leaving behind that villain.
While I was attending university, I was robbed for the first time. Two hooligans forced me into a dead end, but I was not scared in the least.
Their novice ways of practicing to become a villain were far from Qiu Li, as he was a villain from birth. I was bound to find an easy way to handle them.
“Hey.” A person patted both their dirty shoulders.
Like this, I encountered the villain that I had not seen in many years.
I assumed that he was here to save me and would smash a brick into both of the hooligans’ faces.
I was wrong.
“Her family is wealthy, ask for more.” As he spoke, he took a drag of a cigarette and blew the smoke in my face.
I was helpless. The only way I could handle them now was to give all the money I had on me to them.
My life was most important. I even told them my address, hoping that they would look up the property price and be satisfied with what they took.
Afterwards, Qiu Li chased me to my house.
On the coldest day of winter, he crawled into my bed. Qiu Li: I’m warming myself. In the guise of “warming himself”, he did something else. 
What else could I possibly do? He was a villain, and I long predicted that I would not be able to resist him. So, I stopped resisting.
Qiu Li said that as a villain, he must have a foolish sidekick to do his bidding.
He claimed that I was pretty foolish, so he chose me.
In the entire world, there are many villains who are heartbreakers. This villain from birth was no exception. When I was three months pregnant, he left home.
He said that he was going to earn some money to buy formula for the baby and settle a grudge for the child’s grandfather. As I listened, it awfully seemed like he was trying to trick me.
Once he left, I spent my days leisurely. Occasionally, I would ask others about how he was doing.
I heard that he fought with a gang. I heard that he blew up their headquarters. I heard that at the site of the explosion, bloody body parts flew everywhere followed with a torrent of blood raining down.
I kind of wanted to ask him when he would return home because I accidentally made too much rice. I always stayed up late eating both portions by myself.
But this villain seemed to have forgotten the way home. I waited and waited for him to come home. He only sent a large stack of money, nothing else.
Rumors are only rumors. They might not be true after all.
So, according to the rumors, he didn’t escape from that bloody scene unscathed. He was beaten up by others and thrown into the ocean. Apparently, he left a message for me; I was not allowed to miss him and I was not allowed to wait for him.
I treated the message like nothing, it was only hearsay.
There are countless principles of life, and my favorite phrase was, “Those who harm others live for thousands of years”. 
According to this law, the endings of villains usually weren’t good. However, I still wished that Qiu Li would be able to live a bit longer so more people would be able to remember him.
It was like that “Down With Qiu Li” phrase in my childhood.
Because it was etched in my bones, time didn’t wash it away easily.
In any case, I wouldn’t be able to forget him.
There are countless principles of life, and the phrase I hated the most was “seeing is believing”.
Your eyes can deceive you.
Before my eyes was a body that looked like Qiu Li, but it wasn’t him.
Just look, this corpse was riddled with blisters and very swollen, but my Qiu Li was obviously thin.
I always thought that he ate too little but I wasn’t able to feed him and make him fatter.
Hurt by the phrase “seeing is believing”, I loudly argued that I must see the autopsy report and the DNA test.
Call me selfish or heartless, I don’t care. In my heart, I kept thinking, as long as it’s not Qiu Li, anyone would be fine.
Even though I waited and waited, Qiu Li didn’t come back.
What came back was his death certificate.
My eyes are probably broken, because tears are incessantly dripping out. No matter what I do, they won’t stop. My vocal cords are probably tired and need to rest, because I am not able to speak.
I think I will die myself.
When Qiu Li was alive, he harmed me in every way possible. When he died, why didn’t he bring me to die with him?
How could he abandon me in this way?
If you marry a chicken, you become a chicken. If you marry a dog, you become a dog. I, who married a villain, am not a good person either.
I used the stolen money he had left to raise his sole child. I was at the prime age to get married and conduct myself as a proper adult, but I suddenly had the impulse to wear the barrettes that were once popular among primary school students.
Fortunately, my prayers from long ago came true. The wounds on Qiu Li’s body would not bleed anymore, and he would no longer fear being beat up by others.
So, the future must be better, right?
I hated that villain to death. The thing I hated most about him was that he didn’t smack me whenever I was cursing him and crying while recalling all the past memories.
Qiu Li, I know that you never feared pain, but I fear it.
So, when you see me in so much pain, hurry up and return home to me.
Qiu Li, have you ever thought about when our child asks about the story of how we fell in love? What will I say?
If you don’t have any objections, this is what I would say.
In Mommy and Daddy’s story, there was a natural-born villain and a naturally foolish sidekick that followed him from childhood.
The foolish sidekick likes the villain, and she would tell the villain:
Villain, villain, I like you. Even if you are bad, I like you.
But you must remember to hurry and come home.
Your foolish sidekick is still waiting for you.
I didn’t want to interrupt the story with Translator Notes so I have a bunch here. They’re not really important to the story, but they give a little more context and depth to the work, as translations do not always capture the meaning and feeling of some words.
Few translation things: The title of the story is ‘天生坏蛋’ (directly: Natural Villain), but the ‘坏蛋’ can be taken a few different ways. It actually means ‘bad egg’, and it normally translates to rascal/scoundrel/bastard, but I thought that villain was a better take (because Born to be a Rascal feels kinda weird lol). She does use it in a sort of teasing way sometimes so the word ‘villain’ does not have such a severe connotation as it would imply. I was tempted to switch it up and use other words (bastard/bad guy/etc.) as villain sounds weird in some sentences but I didn’t change it for some reason.
 As I mentioned above, ‘天生的坏蛋’ natural villain = bad egg. She then says ‘天生的聪明蛋’ naturally intelligent egg. There is no double meaning for the second phrase (at least I think), so she is playing off of the ‘bad egg’, kind of like a pun maybe. She does this again later on with “foolish sidekick” (actual translation is foolish egg/person).
 高考 gāo kǎo = college entrance examination. Huge deal because it “grants access” to all universities nationwide. There’s a saying that in China, universities are hard to get into but easy to graduate from while in America/other places, universities are easy to get into but hard to graduate from.
 美曰其名 měi yuē qí míng is a Chinese idiom that from what I understand, means that the name is the only thing that is good about a person. Its literal meaning is ‘a pleasant name’ and the phrase can be used both ways. The author uses it in a weird place that when translated, is weird, so I only used ‘Qiu Li’. And yes, they do have sex.
 祸害遗千年 huò hài yí qiān nián = Troublemakers/bad people live for thousands of years. Usually used with something along the lines of: good people don’t live long.